a mystery in josefov

as rhys mentioned, we live in the jewish quarter, which is also called josefov. it is a mysterious and sad area. last night, after i returned from moravia (which was great, and i would like to blog about if i have the time), rhys and i ate a pleasant meal and then i went to bed. right after i turned out the lights, i heard a sound like a woman moaning in either intense pleasure or intense pain. i just figured that it was a someone having the best sex of her life, but right after the moaning stopped, i heard loud stomping back and forth across the floor. then i heard someone coming down the stairs, and it sounded like he (or she, i guess) was dragging something. step step slide. like that. then i heard a door slam downstairs, and a few minutes later, someone ran up the steps. this morning, the thumping/stomping noise returned and there was also hammering upstairs. what happened?!?

i'm guessing one of a few things: i misinterpreted the noises, some people had good sex and then got angry at each other; there was a murder; or our complex is haunted.

in other news, i think rhys will start to have an awesome time soon enough. i'm still having an awesome time. i'm concerned about our ghosts though. i don't feel that stressed out either, just very very sleepy. i'm worried that rhys isn't as happy as me.

my class list is looking like this: from kafka to kundera (czech lit;, alternative literature, lifestyles, and music in the czech republic; contemporary central european politics; intro to jewish cultural studies in prague; and (maybe) art and architecture. i'm not taking the language course because it is too early and i don't really like the professor and i probably would never make it.

i fell in love this weekend. with our waiter in brno (a city in moravia, czech republic). he spoke no english. i fell out of love. (no no, i wasn't really in love; i just thought it'd be romantic to fall in love with a non-english speaking czech waiter.) when got back to the dorm, i checked my email from hannah's room. i had a nice email that made me very happy and included a song that was at least partly inspired by my voyage overseas. sigh.

the best part of the moravian trip was the underground cave complex. we rode little boats through a subterranean river. the bus ride to the caves was nice too. everything in moravia is brown and white right now, because there is snow, but not enough to completely cover the muddy ground. there are no leaves because it is so cold. one scene included a still brown lake with white mountains behind it and lots of leafless trees surrounding it. in the center of the lake was one swan, who matched the color of the snow. there were no other colors around.

another fun part of moravia was the wine tasting, but we were forced to drink six small glasses of wine. i've not been that intoxicated in a year at least. i slept well that night. we also went to austerlitz, which was certainly filled with ghosts.

one last observation is that the czech republic just seems very dark, cold, and mysterious. people complain here. hardly anyone smiles. but everyone seems very content to be discontented. the churches here, so far, are not that beautiful. and that makes me like them more. they are falling apart. they have things that don't match and mistakes in the architecture. our tour guides are all pissed off (except zdenek!). the language is incomprehensible. (no wonder everyone is pissed off! it's so hard to get out a few syllables!) seriously, there are words here with no vowels at all. and the word for something as common as wednesday can be as difficult to say as cvrtek. no joke. no typos. cvrtek. in short, i love it here.

i really need to figure out how to get my pictures online.

The adventure of the Food not Bombs in Prague 8

Nicole really is going to kill me if I keep writing entries like the last two. The thing is, theres a lot of pressure blogging in Prague. Youre either in an internet cafe, 1kc per minute, or in a dorm, with Nicole and all of her friends staring over your shoulder as you write about how awesome they are. So, I dont have time to think through my entries, and I end up doing a hatchet job on this place.

The fact is, Prague is a miracle of a city. Its got museums, bars, people, and history. Thats three more things than most small cities have. Its history is attrocious, to be frank. It forced its jews into a ghetto, the area where Nicole and I are staying, and made the Jews wear yellow circles of shame. The brother of the prince of Prague had him murdered. The city converted to Christianity. And all this is just in the past 5 years.

I also dont know how I feel about the Czech culture. Its very monolithic, and suspicious of outsiders. Somehow, because this is a European country, suspicion of outsiders is considered cute, not xenophobic. Yuval took me out to eat for the vegan restaurant fiasco. I was just going to get fried mushrooms, but Yuval insisted that I get a beer, because it would have been too weird not to get a beer with your dinner in the Czech republic. I got a non-alcoholic beer, which met the cultures rules. You dont have to have alcohol in your beer. Just make sure to have a beer. Or else youré rocking the boat. At least I got to practice my Czech there. I left my glove behind, went back inside, and they were already sitting people at my table. "Pardona" sp? I said. "Ah"? they said. I pulled out my chair, revealing my glove. "Ahhhhhhhhh," they said, smiling. "Dequiem!" I pronounced. Its definitely not true that Czech people never smile at strangers.

I already have a lot of good memories from here, like meeting Vaclav Havel, and its been less than a week. Yuval and I met him after spending hours running in circles, looking for Country Life. On our way home, we stopped in a store so Yuval could get pickles. After that, Yuval browsed a bookstore, and found a book by Havel. He bought it, and a few seconds later a BMW pulled up and Havel stepped out. Yuval, who knows Czech, got his autograph. I smiled for a good ten minutes after that.

Today Yuval and I ventured into "Praha" 8 - it feels too pretentious to say Praha even though I guess its the right way to say it - to cook for Food Not Bombs. The idea kind of depressed me in theory. I did Food Not Bombs once in Austin, and realized that I liked volunteering at Casa de Luz better. Now I was coming to a new country to do something that I didnt like doing in Austin? Next Ill get a job at a PR company in Prague, and put on a live musical sitcom with a bunch of Czech actors that hate me! Turns out, though, it was a pretty good experience. Prague 8 is different from Prague 1. If I werent paying 1kc a minute, I would get into it more. Its seedy. The squat the food not bombers was four stories high, and covered in typical punk graffiti - "Destroy the System" with system spelled with a dollar sign for an s and a swastika for the t... I thought they could have made the y a yen symbol, the e the greek e math symbol and the m the metro symbol. It was the worst squat Id ever seen. Yuval went to the door, found a guy, and said something in Czech. The guy responded, "ščýáíěščéěš čýášěíč šáýčáíšě food not bombs?" He sent us around back. There was a picnic table, hammock, and a wood fire oven, all covered with snow. These two punks came out with a huge dobermen pincher. Yuval said something to them, and they just glared at us. They went back and forth, moving movie theater seats from the house to somewhere far away, ignoring us on their way from the house and on their way back, multiple times. Then we left. I was just glad we didnt have to cook any month old brown avacados.

I can tell this is going to be a worthwhile trip. And Im not actually miserable all the time. There are a few things that have gotten me down, all of which are technical issues. The phone is still a problem even today. I went to TMobile to see if I could get a new battery or charger for my phone. But they dont sell my brand of phone, so I would have to buy a new phone, which would cost around 80 dollars. I went to a different place and waited in line for over half an hour to find out that all their phones require a month by month contract. Then TMobile was closed. Its not an empty hope to say that it will get better.

Nicole is, of course, the best roommate anyone could have next to Joe or Rachel. I do think she was going too far when I was cooking my first night in Prague, two pieces of rice landed on the floor, and she said, "That is really bad." She has her own things to stress about, but shes also stressing about mine. Soon Ill be transitioned, and there wont be nearly as much to stress about. I would write more, but the money is practically flying out of my pocket right now. Plus, were in žiskov! More good memories coming soon!

"This is Really Bad"

Nicole is off in the Czech Countryside right now with the real Czech people, hating me more than anybody in the world right now. She was supposed to receive a call from me by now, but since she hasn§t, she knows I§m the most irresponsible person she has ever set ezes on. This trip will end with my death on her hands, I am sure of it.

After my last blog entry from the dorm last night, Nicole and I went to the apartment, and somewhere along the way, the fact that I should get a cell phone the next day came up. I said I would get one. Then, because I had slept until 5 p.m. the day before, I could not go to sleep at all. Nicole was supposed to wake me up before her trip to the country at 730 am, and I just sat there, waiting, trzing to sleep, reading Healing Zourself With Whole Foods, and trzing to sleep. Everz noise I heard gave me hope that she was about to wake me up. As soon as that time came, I was ready to go to sleep. !Ah, zou should have come 30 minute ago,! I half jokinglz complained. "Zou didn§t sleep at all and now zou want to go to sleep," Nicole asked, horrified. "That§s reallz bad." I never before noticed how often Nicole says "That is really bad." Maybe it§s a phrase she likes, or maybe an unusually large number of bad things have been happening this week. I§m guessing the latter. "I am getting up, I promise," I promised.

I had this grand plan of cooking Nicole a fancy dinner for when she got back from petting the peasants, but I wasn§t sure what time she was getting back on Sunday. !What time are zou getting back on Sundaz,! I asked innocentlz enough. "I don§t know," she retorted. "If zou had a phone, I could call zou and this wouldn§t be a problem." I was supposed to buz a phone in the middle of the night? True, I was awake, but everzthing closes earlz here. I feel oppressed when people tell me to do something I was already going to do, so I didn§t say ańzthing. "You need to get a phone today," Nicole hammered home. I went to my room, ate a bowl of oats, and moped.

She knocked on my door. "Bye, I am late!" "I will get a phone," I said. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, do not forget to get a phone and call me so I have your number, okay?"

And that§s what I did. I swear to God. I got Yulav to take me to T=Mobile, and I Got a Czech SIM card for my phone. FIRST THING. My phone was dead, so I went grocery shopping == big dinner sunday whoo = and then went back to the apartment to charge my phone. Then I went and searched aimlessly for the vegan restaurant with Yuval. We got there just as it closed. Then Yuval met Vaclev Havel on the street, and got him to a sign a book that he had just bought by Vaclev Havel. That§s a cool Praguie thing to do, I guess. Went home, turned on my phone, and started to write this text message"

I got a phone. Friends again? Yuval met Vaclev Havel today. Say hi to the real Czech people for me. Went to Country Life... and then my phone went dead. Noot from batteries. It seems to be unfixable. Just like my face the moment Nicole walks in the door Šunday night.

This country is impossible. The kezboards don§t even work. And Yuval§s been drinknig himself into a stupor while I write this. So I have to go. But don§t worry, Nicole and I will be best friends again by Tuesday, and by Wednesdaz I§ll be having the time of mz life.... PRAGUE1111111111

quick entry from nicole

so rhys is finally here and we already got in our first fight.

okay, it went like this:

me: I HAVE BEEN BANGING AND YELLING FOR 20 MINUTES
rhys: sorry
me: what happened? why'd you bolt lock the door?
rhys: i don't know. uhh...
me: do you know what a bolt lock is?
rhys: yes i know what a bolt is.

etc.

but it worked out alright. we can even blog about it. then today i got home at 4:45 pm and rhys was still asleep! geez! tomorrow, the program is going to moravia (the country side, i think) and we're going to some caves and to a wine tasting. i'm psyched. i'm learning some things in czech and some things about czech people.

first, czech people don't EVER talk on the trams, and will yell at you if you do. second, czech people don't like it when you smile or laugh while talking to them before you know them well; they think you are making fun of them. czech people don't like it when you bang on your door because you're locked out and your roommate is asleep. (just so you know, i had my key.) ummm. czech people have really unhealthy diets and aren't that fond of large groups of giggly american girls.

okay. in czech. bohuzel, nemluvin cesky means unfortunatley, i don't speak czech. jsem americanka is i am an american (feminine). dobry den = good day. jak se mas = how are you familiar. jake se mate = same, but formal. i know more, but these are the ones i've used the most. i'm tired. very tired. still.

so far, my two favorite things about prague are the graffiti and the dogs. there is pretty graffiti everywhere. as soon as i figure out how to do pictures here, i'll upload some. and the dogs here are allowed everywhere (even trams and metros). they all have this sort of boxy look and they're sort of ragged shaggy, but still dignified. they have great manners. they never run too far away from their owners (and there are no leashes). they never bark. prague is beautiful in every way. czech is a beautiful language. i only wish i understood the place better. i guess that comes with time.

i wouldn't mind if a guy came to visit either.

meanwhile, i've been hanging out with lucas, the guy who works at bohemia bagel. just kidding, but i did say tesi me, which means 'nice to meet you' in czech. i don't think i pronounced it right though.

(and before i go, i should add that i've hung out with my cousin twice, who's the best person. and i've also been hanging out with friend yuval, who knows prague well and is in love with my cousin. more on them later.)

Okay, this is Rhys, and I'm in the Czech Republic now

I'm in "Praha" now, and so far I've contemplated slicing my wrists, jumping out of a window, giving Nicole all the rent money for whole time and flying back to the states, and sobbing endlessly. There's been some good too!

Last night I had the worst nightmare I can remember. I was in some sort of Eastern European city. Not Prague. That's central Europe. Someone tried to kill me, so I killed him. This set me on a horrible chain of events where everybody was after me, and wanted to kill me, out of revenge for this one guy. So I did what anybody would do. I killed all of them. In horribly brutal ways. The one I remember most, I stabbed in the heart with a pen multiple times, and then ripped through his torso by pulling the pen down. This guy was huge. What else could I do? Along the way, I ran into Nicole. She was wearing a veil, not a muslim veil, but an eastern european veil. She ran along with me, and it was all my fault that she was in this much danger. Somehow I managed to kill (in self defense) everyone we met. At the end of our dream, we were hiding behind some bushes and watching as our final nemises, a woman with long wavy red hair, looked for us and cackled, sure that we would soon meet our ends.

Then at 4:45 p.m., Nicole woke me up. I guess I have jet lag. Today was going to be my big day to make my own life here, but I slept through it all. That makes it a better day than yesterday, when I accidentally locked Nicole out of the apartment. Or the day before, when I blew out the power in our apartment with my flaxseed grinder. Maybe Nicole sedated me to keep me from blowing up the entire apartment. All I do is break things, and then Nicole has to fix them. But I can cook!

Last night, Nicole was locked out for 20 minutes while I had the first deep sleep of my trip. Earlier that day, I'd left the apartment unlocked, so I guess I over did it to make amends. NEVER OVERDO IT! That's what I learned. After Nicole got inside, I went to my room, opened the window, and thought about jumping into the soft, comforting snow below. I would have survived, easily, but it wouldn't have helped either of us. Instead, I brushed my teeth in my room, and spit into the snow. It spiraled in slow motion into the snow, and was quite beautiful. Much like Prague itself. Nicole is right about Prague being beautiful. It will only get more beautiful once Rachel gets here. GET HERE, Rachel! Where are you!? How could you leave me like this?!?!

It will get better. When I first moved to Austin, I was so depressed. And look how that worked out. I'm glad I'm here. I just need to go off on my own and find a job and a life here. I need to get a converter so I can plug in my computer. I need to get some flaxseed. I need to eat some food (yesterday I ate nothing but two bowls of oats and one oat bar, and today I've eaten nothing!). I need to figure out what I'm doing here. I need to learn Czech. Actually, before I left Dallas, I was working on a blog entry about how I knew I would never learn Czech. Turns out I was right... so far. I wish I could though. Obviously English is the most beautiful language, and the easiest to learn and understand. I picked it up in like 5 seconds. Czech, though, may very well be the coolest language. Oh well. I'm resigned myself to only knowing one language for my entiere life. Good thing it's the universal language.

Seriously, I've had the time of my life so far. Prague's an awesome city, and Nicole's an even awesomer person. We're going to have a fantastic time. I just need to stop ruining Nicole's life. No, no, seriously though, it's going to be great!! Seriously. Though.

On my way

I forgot to order a vegan meal in time, but nevertheless I'm about to leave!

finally in prague!

yesterday morning i woke up in my apartment and, from my beautiful bed in my beautiful room, looked out the window and it was snowing. big soft snowflakes. it is surprising how easy it is to manage the cold when you're wearing the appropriate clothing. famous last words, right?

so, yes, the apartment is beautiful. it is in the center of a very nice area of town and a six and a half minute walk from the university. i'm starting to get my bearings. i know how to get to my apartment, to the dorm, and to the study abroad office, where i am right now. i've rented a guitar from the office and am very pleased about this. it is a crappy guitar, but it plays and that's what's important. oh! and how do i know this apartment was meant for me? there is a pillow with pictures of penguins on it! i'm so happy with the place.

unfortunately, it turns out that they're giving me $1000 less than i thought they were going to return for finding my own housing. this puts me in the hole. i'm distressed about this. the apartment is moderate for american standards, well priced for it's location, but way way way more expensive than the dorm (which, it turns out, costs about $700 for the entire semester!). the dorm, while it is cheap and full of awesome people and free breakfast, is a shit hole. i just found out that, had i lived in the dorm, i would have lived with three of my best friends here. so i'm still up in the air about whether i made the right decision or not.

i'm thinking i did though. i'm thinking it's worth the money. my friends have been spending tons of time with me anyway. they love my place. they're all gonna put a pair of pajamas in my apartment because we have like 7 beds (not joking) so they can crash there when they feel like it. they're all really looking forward to meeting rhys. it sucks because it turns out that i'll be going on a lot of trips with the program, so i'll be leaving rhys a lot. but it also turns out that, if he pays for everything else, rhys will sometimes be able to get a bus spot on some of the trips. also, he might be able to get some free theater tickets. the ways zdenek (i don't know if that's how you spell his name, but he's great) put it, if they have extra tickets, better it go to friends than to the waste bin.

i think living in an apartment will also give me a better feel for prague. for instance, we don't have a shower, we only have a bath, and i've been struggling with that for a day or two. are you supposed to fill it up and use the spray thing? just use the spray thing? just fill it up? i don't know!

i haven't edited or planned this entry out or anything, so i don't know if i already mentioned this, but this is the most beautiful city on earth, i'm almost certain. when i'm on the tram looking out towards the river and the castle i honestly can't believe that i actually live in this place. my friends hannah and anna from indiana and i were talking about how we feel like we should be more beautiful just to live here. like we're disgracing the city with our sneakers and greasy hair. and i love the snow. and my parents freaked me out way too much about the cold. i've been wearing sneakers and not always even wearing gloves (if hands are in pockets) and i'm fiiiine. it might get worse though, so i guess i shouldn't count my chickens.

the staff at the abroad program are awesome. they're very friendly and organized. we have jana, who reminds me a lot of monz (our unit leader at camp), who is very laid back and cool. we have zdenek, who is about, maybe, 60 years old. he's like our czech tour guide. he says things like, 'i'll lend you my eyes if you lend me your hearts' and it makes all of us want to run up and hug him all together. he's the sweetest man. we also have petr, who is the wild and crazy guy. his job is literally to plan group excursions to clubs at night and go and drink with us. he brought us to this crazy gigantic (really huge) 80's club on saturday night. it was totally full, and they had a gigantic (movie-theater sized!) screen playing the 80's videos that corresponded to the songs. it was nuts. czech people are nuts. there is also marketa. she is the program director. she's super sweet and was raised in prague and atlanta, so she's about as bi-lingual as they come.

the other kids in the program are also really awesome. i've found a terrific group of girlfriends, who consist of hannah and anna from indiana, kelli, kristen darling (no joke, what a name!), stacey, another nicole, molly, and a girl named emily who we just met, but like very much. i feel like i've known these people forever and i think rhys will love them too (don't worry, rachel, not in that special way, i'm sure!). they already all like him because i keep telling them new things about him every day so that they will be prepared for how awesome he is. i hope rhys doesn't run into any trouble being left out because he's not in the program and might not be able to go on the trips with us. i hope he makes friends apart from us stupid americans too. oh i've also made two guy friends too. one is my friend ryan, who i mentioned earlier. he's now my food and dance buddy. he's a great dancer! and also eric, who is also jewish like me, who plays guitar (and lets me play his) and lets me borrow his cell phone and hangs out with us a lot, but also acts annoyed and ditches us sometimes. i like having so many girl friends! it is so nice! this is the first time i've had such a high ratio of female friends! i love it! more exclamation points!!!!!

i'm starting to learn some of the language and pronunciation. we had our first intensive language class today. it was actually really fun. i hope i get to learn the language better. it looks like i'm not going to be able to take the language class because it conflicts with the czech history class. i can't decide whether i'd retain more of the language or more of the history, or which would be more useful. i really wish i could do both! i'll be taking about 50 hours of czech language over the next few weeks, though, and so i'll probably be able to figure out how proficient i am and how much i enjoy it by the time we really need to be signed up for classes. hopefully.

have i mentioned that i love it here? okay more later

I'm not having doubts, I promise you Nicole, not for a second. It's just...

My life in Austin was perfect. Why did it take me so long to realize this? I had an easy job at a restaurant that served the best food in the world, an unlimited supply of brilliant friends, a free room in a vegan co-op with my smart/funny/nice/gorgeous/Chicago-born girlfriend, a reliable bicycle, and the best live music in the world. What have I done??

This is my last night in Austin. I don't want it to end. I just want it to go on and on like those nights in Scandanavia and Alaska. Oooh, I would hate to have a bad night in one of those places. That would be a miserable six months. But this is a good night. Maybe it won't end. There's really no way to say for sure. Just because every night before has ended isn't necessarily proof that January 21, 2005 central time zone will end.

I know Prague is going to be fantastic. I just wish I could be there and in Austin at the same time. Twins are so lucky. They get to be two places at once. Sometimes the second place is only a few inches away when the twins are really close, but even that is something. Yet I digress. Last night, Owen from The Arcade Fire said to me, "Cheer up, Rhys. It's really hard to leave a city, but very easy to come back. So it's good that you're at least trying to leave Austin." I don't care if he's right. I'm going to be sad. Don't worry, Nicole, it will only be for a few months, and then I'll be my usual silly self again.

I've heard that it's impossible to be depressed or annoyed or uncomfortable or angry or hungry or sleepy or quaking with excrutiating pain in Prague. I hope this is true, because I'm going to be there soon. I mean, you know, I can't wait to be there and all that. This could be one of the best things I've ever done. But I wish this night in Austin would last, if not forever, then maybe half that. Man, why can't I just have a twin like everyone else?!

back at the cafe

i'm back at the internet cafe this morning. a bunch of the other kids went on a bus tour around london, but they were going places i'd already been and i was also too tired to get up. i'm still too tired to get up, but i'm up, so i just have to deal with it.

i'm starting to realize that all those awful stereotypes about americans are true. i mean, they're not true too, but some of these people are so grating! last night at about 2:30am (which is late here, especially if you're jet-lagged!), the east-coast girls decided to start screaming in the hallway. why you have to scream if you are standing 2 feet away from each other in a quiet hallway is beyond me. then one of them started banging on mine and stacey's door demanding that matt come out. i got up and opened the door to tell her there was no matt present, and she said 'oh shit' and ran down the hallway. neither stacey nor myself got back to sleep until 4:30am. ugh.

so this morning i skipped the bus tour. i walked down to the old sandwich shop i visited when i was here over spring break. i got an egg mayo and salad sandwich, which was pleasant. there was an american guy in there yelling at the owner about his coffee tasting bad and demanding £80. i was embarrassed for our nationality.

i stopped in the grocery store and purchased my favorite candy bar in the whole world (kinder bueno). now i'm at the internet cafe. i'm gonna go back to the hotel now and down some b vitamins, which are my favorite vitamins by far, and then meet russ and hopefully stacey for some tourism.

i'm not sure if i'll be able to get to another internet cafe until i'm in prague, although i might stop by back here tonight, if i have the time.

i look forward to living with rhys. i think that i would be disappointed right now if he hadn't decided to come. i think he'll get along really well with stacey and ryan (who i hope stay my friends) and i'm glad that him and i already know each other well and get along well and have similar interests and don't scream at each other ever, especially when we're not even angry.

from london...

i'm in the midst of my first internet cafe experience. i forgot to click the student button, so i'm not getting the good rate, but i don't know when the rate's gonna change from £1 to more. i'm in london. i feel rushed and very very sleepy. jet lagged. i'll give the best update possible in the time i feel i have before i pass out or am ripped off.

plane flight: pleasant enough. someone behind me kept kicking my seat, so i only got about four hours of sleep. but that's something. i was aided by a nice fluffy pillow given to me by will. but i ought to back track a teeny bit.

the night before i left: i finished packing late and went over to will's. stayed there until 4am and had a great time. even though i didn't really get to hang out with him that much, i will miss him, i'm sure. i hope he visits. i could talk longer on that, but i won't.

back to plane flight: sat next to andy d. from scotland. he seemed like exactly what an american would think a scottish person would be like. he was reading trainspotting, he mentioned his love of haggis, and he also considered bringing his kilt with him to florida for spring break. he loves drinking, but isn't a huge fan of how it makes one smell. he said that he could show me nice places in scotland if ever i traveled there. i got his email address and a picture (which i may put up later) because he was my first friend abroad. and i also gave him the url to this blog. (hi andy!)

shuttle ride from gatwick to kensington: met three other students- benjy (who used to work at the summer camp i worked at last year and met russ and etc.), [i forgot his name already] (who goes to the virginia military institute), and stacy. stacy is my roommate at the hotel. she's from b'ham and went to high school with a bunch of friends of mine. she also did the same summer program in cambridge england that i did one year before her. we get along. i hope that she continues to be my compadre. i like her a lot.

hotel (and the study abroad group): i'm finding some like-minded people here (stacy, most notably). and i'm also getting along with the others so far. everyone is super friendly. i feel like a bit of a loser because i've not gone out with them tonight. i'm tired and wanted to blog. i made one other important friend, i think. his name is ryan. he goes to school with stacy at puget sound in washington state. he is a theater major and he also doesn't like to spend lots of money on unhealthy, untasty food. this evening, him and i went to the grocery store where we purchased a bag of salad, a lime (for dressing), two bananas, two pieces of cheese, and a large baguette for £2.70 total! what a deal! what a delicious meal! he agreed to be my travel food buddy for our trips out of town.

today in general: russ met me at my hotel and we went for apple juice. he bought me a book of milton's poetry and later gave me a beautiful scarf. i made him a slightly less beautiful scarf. we met with elissa and jacqui (two other counselors from the summer camp where i worked) because they've been living here, even though they're both from australia. we ate pizza for lunch, and it kind of made me feel bad. then we went for a walk around the thames around westminster and the houses of parliament. then we went to covent garden, where i've been a jillion times, for reasons unbeknownst to me. it was super fun getting to hang out with the summer camp crew again.

russ and i had a little talk about the state of things for us. things are obviously different. we still care for each other, of course, but things change. especially when people are from different continents.

okey doke. more later.

While we wait for Nicole...

Nicole hasn't blogged yet, so she must still be on the plane to London. Jeez, who knew it was a 24 hour flight?? While we're waiting for Nicole to land and write her first entry from the mother country, here's another short one from me about all the co-workers I'm leaving behind... NOW.

I'm really bad at noticing changes until they happen. Though Monday night was my second to last night working at Casa de Luz, it didn't feel different from any other night. I kept thinking, "Well, this is the second to last time I get to take the macrobiotic trash out" or whatever, but those thoughts were forced. It didn't feel like the second to last time I was doing anything.

Here's a list of people I worked with at Casa de Luz, and how much they'll miss me. They are in order from least to most:

Irma, one of the Guatemalan cooks. I think she may have been the only person at Casa de Luz who actually hated me. I must have rubbed her the wrong way early on or something. Granted, she doesn't know any English, and I don't know any Spanish, but that's no reason not to talk to me. Maybe she thought I was Lester.

Robert, the British manager. He just wants me to burn some "Air" CDs for him. I promised them to him two months ago, and since then our relationship has devolved to him asking me where his Air CDs are and me sincerely promising to bring them next time. We used to talk about movies. No longer. Maybe I'll just give him Air's 10,000 Mgz Star. That'll show him.

Any, the boss. She gets a bad rap for being indifferent to the cooks, but she paid for me to go to the clinic twice, once for something not work related at all. I doubt she'll be torn up about my absence. It’ll save Casa on hospital bills.

Janet, the financial person. Her daughter is the manager at Angelica's Kichen in New York. So I hope she misses me more than Any and Robert. She's been kind of nice to me lately. Maybe she'll put in a good word.

Brian, guy who's job is mysterious but who lives with Janet even though he's much younger than her. He probably thought I wasn't hard core enough about macrobiotics to merit much attention.

Wayo, the owner, and Any’s ex-husband. He once told me, "Rhys, you have the face of an angel. Watch over us." I never knew how to talk to that guy.

Agusto, a Guatemalan cook and groundskeeper who is also Timo’s brother. He trained me to do dishes on Sunday Brunch, the busiest shift of the week. He gave me a hearty hand clasp for doing such a good job on my first day. That was the peak of our friendship.

Nico, the Guatemalan lead cook who's been at Casa for 12 years. I was hardly ever on his shift. But when I was, oh man, the chemistry!

Florie, a 22 year-old Guatemalan cook with kids. She always exclaimed, “Hola, Rhys!” whenever I came in. Even though I gave her any shift of mine that she ever wanted, she never gave me any shifts. The only thing close I got from her was the shaft.

Olga, an older Guatemalan cook. She once had a crush on me, but she yelled at Timo for telling me that, since she has a husband and kids, and believes in God and all that. However, she was hurt the most by Timo’s practical joke on me and the Guatemalans, which I’ll get to with Timo.

Rosa, the Guatemalan night lead cook. She tried to talk to me more than any of the other Guatemalans. The night of the lunar eclipse, she kept asking me when the eclipse was supposed to happen. The next night, she told me that she’d seen the eclipse, and had tried to get her husband Noe to look at it with her. He told her that she was crazy, and that he was too busy reading the Bible to go outside.

Noe, another lead cook, and Nico’s brother. Monday night he asked me if I had any job other than Casa. I said, “No.” He smiled, nodded, and said, “Good.” I don’t think he knows I’m leaving.

Timo, a Guatemalan and the Saturday brunch lead cook. He is easily the most evil person who works at Casa de Luz, but also one of the funniest. Too bad he can’t just be funny. Apparently he starts every shift on his knees, pleading to God for forgiveness for what he did the night before. He was the lead cook my second day working there, and I went home and had anxiety dreams afterward. He will miss having me around, if only because I’m a good person to play tricks on. I should have whipped him with a brown rice noodle for his last prank, the reason the Guatemalans have turned cool on me lately. Short story long: Oh my God! I can’t believe he did this, and I can’t believe I fell for it! One Friday night shift, Timo came up to me all smiley and said, “Hola, Rhysito. Are you working tomorrow morning?” “Yeah, I am.” “Okay," he said, even more smiley. "When you come in tomorrow morning, I want you to go to Florie, Olga, and Agusto, and say, ‘Hola mojaditos!’” Now, I’m not a complete fool, and I knew that whatever mojadito meant, it wasn’t going to be the most polite thing to say. But I figured the joke would be on me, the stupid gringo who doesn’t know what’s going on. I also assumed it would be in good fun, and whatever it was would be obviously a joke, especially since Timo kept coaching me on the word, which I kept forgetting, throughout the shift. By the time I got home, I forgot the word, so I couldn’t look it up. When I got to work the next morning, Timo took me aside and said, “Don’t forget – ‘Hola mojadito.’” I didn’t want to disappoint him, since he was so excited about it, so I told it to Florie and Olga, just like he said, but chickened out when it came time to say it to Agusto. Rosa overheard it as well. I don’t remember getting much of a reaction from anybody. A few weeks later, Leslie took me aside. “Rhys,” she said, “I heard that you told some of the Guatemalan cooks ‘hola mojadito.’ Do you know what that means?” I shook my head. “It means wetback.” My heart sank. “Rosa and Florie assumed that Timo told you to say it. But Olga was really hurt. She asked, ‘Is Rhys mad at the Guatemalans? What did we do?’” I went to the bathroom, tried to imagine how Olga must have felt when this kid who was lucky enough to be born in the United States apparently mocked her for no reason other than her desire to make a life here too, and sobbed. For the rest of the shift, I couldn’t look any of the Guatemalans in the eye. I only wanted to be deported to a poverty-stricken country and live a hopeless existence, completely unable to live up to my potential. Either that, or apologize to Olga, which would be better for both of us. The thing is, we were never scheduled together again. It was destined to haunt me the rest of my rich, privileged life. Then, last week, after eating lunch at Casa de Luz with Emily and staying until past closing time, I saw that Olga, who was on that shift, had missed her bus. I had Rachel’s car, so I offered her a ride. It was uncomfortably silent the whole way. At every stoplight I tried to muster the courage to say something, but at most came out with an, "Ah." We got to her apartment, and she was about to get out. “Olga,” I said, clearing my throat. “Lo siento por what Timo told me to say to tu.” She didn’t understand. Who knows why. Look at how great my Spanish was. “Uh. Timo. Yo no comprendo. Lo siento. Timo. Um. Timo.” “OH!” she said, brightening. She got all smiley and said something in Spanish about how she knew I hadn’t known what I was saying. She thanked me and got out of the car. So yeah. Timo will miss me.

The Volunteers. I don’t know any of their names, so I can’t list them individually, but most of them seemed to think I was funny.

Casa Rachel, a prep cook and the worst dish washer. I am a constant reminder of the failure of her hydrogen peroxide to completely cure every known ailment, so though she enjoys my company, she ultimately resents me.

Madeline, the dessert baker. Rachel O. and I took some of the heat off her by volunteering on the baking shift a couple of times. Madeline will miss that for sure. She keeps asking if I’m having a going away party. I don’t know if this means she’ll miss me horribly, or if she just wants to boogie.

Leslie, the cooking prodigy who has been a lead cook at Casa since she was 19. We both hate Rushmore. She’ll be alone in that area when I’m gone.

Sarah, a prep cook from Boston and student at St. Edwards. I thought she had a crush on me when I first started working there (this is Pre-Rachel, folks!), but when I asked her out to The Saddest Music in the World, she invited Leslie. Brutal. Then we became surprisingly great friends for how little time we spent together. She wants us to write a book of short stories together, so that will keep us in touch, but she's too busy with school and fawning professors to notice all that much that I'm leaving.

Michelle, another manager. She was one of the few people who fought for me to get a job at Casa after a year and a half of on-and-off volunteering. Michelle once said that she was always happy to have me on a shift because it meant someone there was on her side. Apparently I didn’t sabatoge her like the other employees. Though I’ve never said anything about acting aspirations, she’s sure I’ll become the next Hugh Grant, and wants me to buy her a car when I get rich. I promised her I would, and I meant it. She got in on the ground floor, after all. Since I’m leaving to make my fortune and buy her a car, she’s kind of happy about it.

Lester really doesn’t want me to leave. I was supposed to be his disciple, and train to be a lead cook. "You're one of the few people who really understands the system here," he said. "Now it's just me and Oliver." I have to shoot a skateboarding video with him before I leave.

Aida, Nico's wife, and the only Guatemalan cook who's actually from Mexico and not Guatemala. Aida is the real upset here. She doesn't speak much English, and I don't speak any Spanish, so we never really communicated verbally. Except she would always ask if I was working the next day’s shift, and would be glad if I was. She’ll truly miss me. She once told me (I had to have this translated), "You are quiet, but you have a heart of gold." When she heard that I was leaving, she frowned and mimed a tear on her face. Wait a minute. Is anyone here going to shed a real tear?!

Rachel, my girlfriend. She doesn’t work at Casa, but she volunteers, so she counts. I think she’ll miss me most of all when I’m gone. And I’ll miss her most of all too.

Now I’m off to my last ever shift at Casa de Luz. Wish me luck!

America says good-bye to Nicole!

This is Nicole and me on the runway of the Atlanta International Airport. It's hard to see in this photo, but the president was there to see her off, as were Johnny Depp, Beck, and Brit Daniels from Spoon. It was a pretty big deal. A lot of people were crying, especially during Nicole's speech (I'll post the transcript later). A bunch of people tried to convince her to stay, and she almost did. That is, until I showed her a photo of Pavel Bém, the mayor of Prague.



So dashing, and the leader of all bohemia. That knocked sense into her real quick.

Not long after this photo was taken, a concord jet swooped out of the sky and carried Nicole on to the first leg of her journey: London, England, where she will learn how to apply studing -- which she already knows how to do -- to being abroad. Next comes Vienna, where she'll do I don't know what, and finally Prague on the 21st. I'll meet her a few days after that. Rest assured, Nicole will be blogging every day during this intense traveling period. She confided to me that she might even blog from the plane. Her next update will be coming any minute now... trust me... any second...

Okay, the last word on dual citizenship... for now

Yesterday I brought my working overseas rant to Casa de Luz, and whipped it out while I aimlessly swept macrobiotic dust across the floor. Nick, who used to live at Royal Co-Op while I was a boarder, was the manager on duty. He listened passively with the usual head-nods and "uh-huhs" while I told him about living in Prague, accidentally having two American passports, and so on.

Then I got to the sob story about how I probably wasn't going to be a dual citizen in time for Prague, and he screamed, "WHAT?!" It wasn't just an exclamation. It was an honest to goodness scream. It was so startling, our painting of the ever-placid macrobiotic guru George Ohsawa turned pale as a ghost, his hair sticking up everywhere, his eyes looking damn near sanpaku. Nick chewed some imaginary brown rice, calmed down, and then asked, "You've got the hook-up?" Turns out he's so desperate to be EU-ropean, he's planning to marry anyone who's continental and willing and live with her for a few years just so he can leave the U.S. So I guess there are worse things than delayed dual citizenship. I could just not qualify at all, like half of America.

Then again, there's at least one stiff-upper-lipped Queen-suckling pansy-crotched bureaucrat in England who thinks I shouldn't get it. Yesterday I emailed the British passport service to see if I would be better off applying from the U.S. or the Czech Republic, explaining that I was going to be in Prague soon and wanted to be able to work there more easily, so what would be the quickest way? Man, did that ruffle some feathers, to put it mildly. The way "Sir Alax III, Vice Consul" responded, I may well have made the entire Kingdom of Briton past and future cry with my flippant attitude. Surely the painting of Queen Mum that Alax gazes at reverently in times of trouble mustered a tear or two.

Here's part of his sniffling response: "I woould point out that British Citizenship and by it's virtue a Britsih passport are not simply flags of convenience  for those wishing to work overseas within the EU. If as you state, are entitled to British Citizenship then the United Kingdom will expect your loyalty. You will be expcted to take an oath of allegiance to Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II and an other pledging your loyalty to the United Kingdom to be a true citizen of the UK."

What's with British people who can't spell? Kidding, kidding, I worship the Brits. Sherlock Holmes has a posse, and it's me. Magna Carter in the house! Whoop-whoop! But still! I wanted to say, "Listen buddy, I'm a citizen of the whole damn world. Don't give me that crap about borders and nations and patriotism and loyalty. I only live in a country because I have to. And if I have a chance to multiply the number of countries I can live in, I'm going to take it. And I'm not going to construct any pretense about allegiance to the crown, finding my true roots, or any other such nonsense. Look, I would take a friggin BOOMERANG TO THE FACE for the Queen. Not because she's a queen, or because she lives in England. BECAUSE SHE'S A HUMAN BEING. Come on, Sir Alack III Esquire or whatever you call yourself. You and I, we aren't Americans. We aren't Brits. We're human beings. And you know those brown people you see when you go hunting elephants in Africa? They are human beings too. The pretentious fools you see in cafe's wearing berets and talking in funny accents? That's right. Humans. All of us are in this together. We are in a fight against God to sneak as many of us into heaven as possible. This bickering amongst ourselves, debating who can live in what country, and which royal figurehead to worship, just holds us back. SO GO TO HELL!"

Instead, I groveled. I reminisced about my two-week sojourn to England and Wales to see the house where my father was born, and how I felt I'd finally found my true home. I said I pledged my loyalty to the queen every day already, if not explicitly, then by my actions. "Without her," I confessed, "I would be living in a gutter, oppressed and bleeding to death. And probably German." I went on to describe, graphically, how badly I wanted to kiss the Queen's ring. "Please," I pleaded, "Please expedite my passport so I can look in the eyes of the Queen, my true mother, before she passes on to rule the spirits of her British subjects in the United Kingdom of Heaven. And then, when I finally join her in that sleepless Empire in the stars, I can truly say that my boundless love for our Royal Highness spans across worlds."

I made sure to throw in plenty of "colours" and "favourites" just to reinforce my Britishness. "Do you like Mr. Bean or Black Adder better," I asked at the end of the email. "Everyone says Black Adder, but I think Mr. Bean puts Rowan Atkinson's talents to better use. Remember when Mr. Bean went on vacation and he couldn't fit his pants in his suitcase, so he cut off the pant legs?" Always end an email with a question. It keeps the lines open.

I know, I know. The thing is, some of these foppish royal cannon fodder people have a lot of power, especially when they have numbers in their name. I don't want to rock the UK citizenship boat until I have it. Then, oh man, I'm going to be globetrotting, dancing through tax loopholes, and marrying untouchables, all the way to the bank!

Good luck in London, Nicole!

i'm leaving

right now. i was going to write a longer entry, but my parents are itching to get to the bank and then to atlanta so that i can then go to london and then to vienna at which point i will take a bus to prague and then hopefully have an apartment oh my gosh what's going on?!?!?!!?!??!?!?

Passport blues

I look evil in my passport photo. If I get arrested in Germany for being a terrorist, I will praise the German Czar to the heavens for his astute instincts. I mean, look at this photo! I would send me to the brig in a heartbeat.

For the love of God, there's a human hair glued to my passport, and I don't think it's mine. It's much too thin. It's not a strand of hair that gets pampered with biotin-enhanced extra-strengthening hippie shampoo, that's for sure. If Nicole and I accidentally murder someone in Prague ("Oh my God, she totally looked like a pick-pocket!!"), I know what to plant at the scene. The whole U.S. Department of State will be on trial.

I got a phone call from my mother this morning that makes me want to go on another rant. I won't do it, but just know that I want to. You see, I should be a British/American dual citizen by now, dashing through tax loopholes, turning down marriage propsal after marriage proposal ("I'm a human being with emotions and goals and desires, not a walking green card!"), and having all these conflicts and realizations about my true identity.

"So this explains why 'if....' is my favourite movie," I should be saying. "But am I supposed to love Monty Python now," I would wonder next. "I know I'm British, but that show is nothing but arguing - 'That parrot is dead!' 'No it isn't!' 'Yes it is!' 'No it isn't!' 'Yes it is!'"

By now I should be up for a knighting, getting beat at an oppressive "public" boarding school, and biking on the left side of the road. And most of all, I should be able to easily work anywhere in the EU, especially Prague.

But no. British/American "Who Am I really????" Rhys is for the future. Because my mom had my American passport all along, and didn't realize it. Instead of an American and a British passport, I now have two American passports. This makes me perhaps the most die-hard American this side of the Atlantic. I'm not ashamed of that. I just wish I were already the most die-hard Brit in the world as well!

no no

a recent finding: it must also be the x chromosome that leads to silliness. this explains why everyone is silly.

repost post

well, i compromised blog integrity and deleted a previous post. but rhys and i discussed it (sort of) and we thought it best to remove the blog. sorry folks. sorry if you didn't get to read it.

the gist of the post was that a) we got an apartment (yay!) b) we (well, i) have reached the conclusion that it is the y chromosome that is often responsible for silliness.

onward:
i bought a digital camera today. boy was that pricier than i wanted it to be. also, i dropped my cell phone in some water and it died, but then it was resurrected mysteriously on the 3rd hour. bought some long underwear. read rhys's blog entry (see below) and felt bad for him that he doesn't have his passport yet. he will soon be receiving a jacket, a scarf (that i made him!), and a matching hat (that my mom made him!) in the mail, so maybe that will cheer him up.

also, he left a funny message on my phone, which i received after the phone was resurrected, that made me laugh and feel happy that he's going to be my roommate in prague, even if he does accidently wake me up and disturb my studies by turning our apartment (which we now have) into a makeshift brothel. that was a long sentence. (rachel, don't worry, i won't let rhys become or sleep with a prostitute.)

let me mention to all readers that this url has been passed along to mostly friends, but also my parents, some old teachers/professors, and several ex-boyfriends and ex-whatevers (if you know what i mean). i mean, i don't think i really do anything that these folks can't hear about, but it may slightly affect the content of what i write. i will try to be as honest as possible though.

It's rant time for Rhys

I don't usually do this. Normally my entries are well-researched, rational, calm, and proof-checked by two or three of my most trusted editor friends. But...

OHMYGODICAN"TBELIEVEMYAMERICANPASSPORTGOTLOSTINTHEMAILANDTHEYHADTOREISSUEITANDNOWIWON"TGETITUNTILAWEEKBEFOREILEAVEWHICHMEANSICAN"TGETMYBRITISHPASSPORTUNTILLONGAFTERI"MINPRAGUESOIWILLHAVETOPROSTITUTEMYSELFTOMAKEMONEYFORATLEASTTHEFIRSTMONTHICOULDBEANICEHOCKEYINSTRUCTORORATELEPHONETICKETAGENTBUTI"MNOTABRITISHCITIZENYETTHANKSTOTHEU>S>POSTALSERVICESOIMIGHTASWELLFACEITI"MGOINGTOHAVETOSELLMYBODYORSTARVETODEATHTHANKSYOUVERYMUCH!


Okay, I feel a lot better now. I just wish that rant could change the fact that I can't believe my american passport got lost in the mail and they had to reissue it and now I won't get it until a week before I leave which means I can't get my British passport until long after I'm in Prague so I willl have to prostitute myself to make money for at least the first month or so... I could have been an ice hockey instructor or a telephone ticket agent but I'm not a British citizen yet thanks to the U.S. Postal service, I might as well face it I'm going to have to sell my body or starve to death, thanks you very much.

Oh well. At least we have an apartment. Still, I wonder how I'll make money in Prague now that my American passport got lost in the mail and they had to reissue it and now I won't get it until a week before I leave which means I can't get my British passport until long after I'm in Prague. Here are my options:

A. Prostitute
B. Figure model
B (2). Stripper
C. Editor of the Prague Post
D. Bike messenger.

A. is out. I would feel weird about it. Plus, I don't think Nicole would let me bring johns back to our place if she had to study or sleep. She's really sensitive about studies and sleeping. So I guess I shouldn't have put A as an option. Because it's not one.

B. I might do. I mean, I'd feel weird about being naked in front of artists I don't know, especially since they will be recording my nakedness in their own subjective ways. If they paint me with fat theighs, or a melting face, I'd really just die. It would definitely be worth it if they made one of those portraits that ages in my place, though. As it is, my six pack is a little undefined. Nobody will want to to paint me with a mere four pack. I'll be British by the time I've done enough sit-ups for this one.

B (2). I don't think I would get hired. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, despite what I said under B., I'm fairly ripped -- I even gave Brazos pause in an arm wrestling match! -- but I've lost some muscle mass since eating nothing but macrobiotic food for the past 9 months. I'm far from emaciated, but I'm definitely closer to hipster than Fabio as far as my physique goes. When I tried to get a barback job at the Boyz Cellar, I got a thumbs down on the ab test. I think I could slide down that pole pretty good, though. I would wear an aviator hat with flaps, wrap myself in a break-away American flag, and call myself Sky Captain. I'll get back into sit-ups and push-ups soon and we'll see how that goes.

C. Believe it or not, I have some reservations about C. Yes, it would be a dream job, but am I really qualified? I've never even read the thing. I'd probably run it into the ground. Still, I'll take it if I can get it.

D. Prague is apparently a horrible city for bikes. I would only do this one if I had a death wish. Which I might have now that my american passport got lost in the mail and they had to reissue it and now I won't get it until a week before I leave which means I can't get my British passport until long after I'm in Prague so I willl have to prostitute myself to make money for at least the first month or so...

nervous nicole being neurotic

neurotic nicole being nervous? i posted a similar entry on my other blog, but seeing as this was prague related, i thought i ought to just go ahead and put it up here too.

i've been nervous about going abroad. like i keep having these visions of myself meeting all these horrible ends abroad and what would happen to my family afterwards. they would be so sad, and if there is any afterlife, i would have to watch it and just thinking about it makes me sick to my stomach. i'm superstitious and also jewish, so i'll just say kenna hora right now (it translates as 'may the evil eye stay away'). i'll probably say it a bunch when i'm talking about things like this.

i've always had thoughts like this. i'll be driving up my driveway and i'll picture my car sliding down and crashing. or my dad will be following my car in his own and i'll have images of crashing in front of him and him having to watch powerlessly as, well, something awful happens. i shouldn't even really talk about the time i thought my brother was dead. KENNA HORA!

i know why i have these visions. it's because of my upbringing. i've had a morbid upbringing. my mom always has nightmares like this too and always has taught me fear and pessimism. i sound like i'm complaining, but really i'm not. i know that it's because she loves me. and if this is the way that she is most crazy, then fine.

there is this poem by larkin that goes "they fuck you up, your mum and dad. they may not mean to, but they do. they fill you with the faults they had and add some extra just for you." it goes on, of course. it really is a good little poem. i butchered it by taking out the line breaks stuff, but i only know the sound of it, not the look. you ought to look it up anyway. but i'm on a tangent. so, yeah, i think that parents can't help fucking you up. i mean how could they not? they shape so much of you. it couldn't all be consistently positive. so there will be negative influence as well as positive influence. it is totally unavoidable. so i guess this is just a short paragraph to say how i don't mind that my parents fucked me up by making me a morbid fearful nicole. i mean, i mind it, but i'm not mad at them for it.

this being said, i'm morbid and fearful. i've had urges to write little notes to my family like "if i don't see you again... yada yada yada," but that's too too creepy and also too movie-like and i try to avoid movie-like situations because they never work out for me. i tell myself that i'm just apprehensive about this huge experience i'm about to have. i'll just throw in an extra kenna hora just to be safe.

but i'm still afraid. i don't know much about the country. i don't know the language. i don't know what safety behaviors to use, or what streets to stay away from, or who i'll be able to trust. we don't even have an apartment! all i've got is a friend who i know is going to be a swell roommate, and this is a lot, but he's not going to be there all the time.

the apartment thing bothers me more than just not knowing where i'm going to live. on the one hand, there's no way we'll know if a place meets our needs until we see the places and the neighborhoods and know where we'll need to be and blah blah blah. but also, i've finally realized, i think, why my mom is such an insistent planner. it's not so everything will work out perfectly, because, to be honest, my mom's need to plan things and get things done often means that she doesn't get the best deals or end up in the best situations. what it means, though, is that she has a tangible future to look to, and this way the future isn't so scary.

when i thought we had an apartment, i pictured myself in the apartment. i felt safe. it didn't matter whether i was comfortable or not, because i had plans. rhys would be there soon, and i could lay low until then. or whatever. you know?

but now that we're back to what seems like square one, with no apartment or real plans, when i imagine my first days in prague, i imagine wandering around the streets by myself. or being robbed in a hostel. or just a big black sort of scary vague impression. yes yes, i know i'm overreacting. these things are just vague unsettling impressions that seems a lot more extreme when i've written them down. but they're there.

basically, planning good things makes it seem like bad things can't happen. but having no plans opens up the possibility for something really good or really really bad to happen. in short, i want an apartment already.

also, i'm thinking that i want to start capitalizing some of my entries. would our readership be opposed? or do you think that this is the best way to distinguish between the two of us? should we get our own login names? or should we just indicate who is writing at the beginning of each entry? or do you think you'll just be able to figure it out because rhys and i are so different? i sort of don't want to get different login names just for symbolic reasons. rhys and i are in this blog together. and we get our book deal, we'll want to make sure they know we're in it together even though rhys is much funnier than i am and i am much better at thinking of pointless allusions to literature, film, tv, and videogames. comments are welcome. or you can just tell one of us in person, or over the phone or email, or whatever your preferred medium.

i think i'll go to sleep now and try to have good dreams. after i finally got to sleep last night, i dreamt that my room cleaned itself. i'm not joking.

plane tickets

i received my plane tickets. now all that's left is the apartment. and everything else.

america

Why Prague beat El Salvador

Prague has been a country since the fall of the Soviet Union in 1917. I say this not to show off my historical know-how, but rather to hint at the awesome breadth of culture and tradition that attracts so many cultureless, traditionless wanderers to Prague. The country is over twice as old as me and Nicole put together, and has over a thousand residents. In other words, take all the culture and tradition of me and Nicole (it’s a lot, you’d be surprised), multiply it by 1,000, and you’re not even halfway there. This is reason number one that Nicole and I are going. More reasons to come shortly…

just some updates

so we still don't technically have an apartment, which is still a source of stress for me. (rhys, are you stressed out too?) we're waiting to hear back from the realtors. we'll be getting something that is probably very well-located, adequately sized and furnished, and way over-priced. i think that this is probably our best case scenario. it's been so tedious trying to find a place to live though that i just want to go ahead and put our deposit down for someplace. our top choice right now is three blocks away from my cousin. that would be very very nice to live next to my cousin. she's just a year older than me. i don't know her very well, but all impressions have been overwhelminghly positive.

yuval's gonna come visit right when get there. he knows some czech and has been to prague a few times, so he's going to be very helpful. it will also be really cool to see him. i've always liked him. i'm also gonna get to go hang out with russ in london on our three day stopover and he said that he'd take me to john milton's house. i would very much enjoy that, i think... if i'm not too jet-lagged, that is. oh, and this isn't totally related, but bob's gonna be in b'ham tomorrow, so i'll get to see him too! yay bob!

i finished rhys's scarf, but it's better than mine and not as matchy as i'd hoped, so i'm going to make myself one that is exactly the same as his except pink (his is blue). then i will require him to wear it everywhere. sometimes maybe we can switch scarves and people will get us confused. and they might also be confused if i'm wearing the blue scarf and rhys is wearing the pink one because, traditionally, pink is for girls and blue is for boys. silly americans.


[edit: i should add that i'm leaving the 18th and still haven't received my tickets. rhys, do you have your passport yet?]

nicole's new years resolution

my new years resolution this year is to go to prague.

Why Prague and not, say, the Paris Catacombs?

About a year ago, my mom said, “You know, Rhys. I always thought that when you graduated from high school, you were going to backpack across Europe." And I was all, “Huh?” Mom, when I was living at home and going to community college, were you always thinking, “I don’t get it! Why Rhys isn't backpacking across Europe?" Well, it’s because you never said anything. The only thing I thought to do was quarantine myself and write crappy screenplays. You shoulda spoke up!

Not that I would have gone traveling if it had occurred to me. I’ve always needed a good excuse to go somewhere that’s not where I already am. If you don’t have any reasons for any particular place, how can you pick where to go? That’s why I never followed up on my mom’s suggestion that we all go on a cruise. I had no idea where it should be. And that’s why I loved internships so much. They gave me a reason to live in cities I would never just visit.

I stayed in Austin for as long as I did after dropping out of college because there was nowhere else I absolutely had to be. At times I’ve considered living in New York (almost did after my Stossel internship, but then came back for Jim Holt), Los Angeles (it’s like a cartoon there, and I loved it), Seattle, and Taiwan (My friend Michael makes it seem like the best place on earth, but never responds to my emails). I had decent reasons for all of them, except for Seattle, which made it really hard to pick. So I didn’t.

“No choices, no regrets.” – Robin Williams, Dead Poet’s Society

Before college, I'd hardly seen any states outside of Texas. Supposedly I went to Florida and Louisiana as a baby, but I don't remember. When I was 7 or so, we went to the Crater of Diamonds in Arkansas. I’ll never forget that. It was a park supposedly laden with diamonds and other precious jewels. You pay to enter, but can keep any rocks you find. I found a few colorful pebbles, but no diamond. Later I met someone from Arkansas and asked him about Crater of Diamonds. He claimed the place is a fraud. They toss a few diamonds in the ground occasionally to keep people coming. I believe it was this trauma that soured me on traveling for the sake of travel.


(Crater of Diamonds sucks in another unwitting young diamond hunter)

I went to Wales and England with my dad and brother and grandparents when I was 15 or 16, to see the house where my dad was born. And that was fun. Yet it didn't inspire me to walk across the entire continent with a huge bag on my back. What's the point of that bag anyway? Can't you carry all that stuff in your hands? I don't know. Maybe I just don't get travel. Lord knows I haven’t done much of it.

Just after high school, I went to New Jersey to make a short film with a kid I'd met through a movie chatroom. It was the first traveling I’d done on my own, and it simply blew me away. "New Jersey is beautiful," I thought. "There’s so much foliage! One day I could live here!"

Two years after that, I lived in D.C. for three months, and decided it was the best city ever. While living in D.C., I visited Philadelphia for the 2000 convention protest, and realized that Philadelphia was the best city ever. Then I visted my brother in New York City. I couldn't believe it. There were no trees! That was definitely the best city ever.

The next year I lived in Los Angeles for three-months and thought it was pretty much the best city in the world – maybe even better than New York -- but that I didn't really need to live there forever. Maybe because I'd seen other places by then. The next year, 2002, I lived in New York for three months, and might have moved there, if not for a musical I needed to help put on in Austin. I stayed in Austin until now. I’ve been here a total of six years, almost a fourth of my life.

And now I’m going to the Czech Republic, basically on a whim. I have no internship waiting for me, no fancy job there, nothing I need to study (except maybe expatness), no oats to sow (lost in customs), and little knowledge about the city outside of the movie “Kicking and Screaming.” Nicole asked if I wanted to go, I said I’d think about it, I thought about it, wavered back and forth, and said yes. Then I bought a ticket. Then I ordered my passport. Then we basically agreed on an apartment. We’ll be there in less than three weeks. At this point, there is probably no turning back. I mean, I could change my mind. But I would certainly get a decapitated horse’s head in the mail. Nicole doesn’t mess around.

So what changed? Did I finally forget about Crater of Diamonds and realize that travel can be an end unto itself? Not really. Like Nicole, I had to leave Austin. I don’t enjoy biking past the same places that I’ve seen every day for the last six years. I’m not as inspired as I used to be. I was once creative and productive here, but since my best friend and main creative partner Joe moved to Brooklyn, I’ve been a slacker, like an Austinite is supposed to be. Actually, I have a lot of good ideas. I just hardly act on any of them. My only career ambition here was to cook at a macrobiotic restaurant. I did that, and now I’m bored of it.

The only reason I can’t leave Austin with a booming “Hell yeah!” is my girlfriend, Rachel, who’s stuck in Austin for another year and a half. She taught me to follow my instincts, to grab life by the gut and wrestle it until it heaves, taking every possibility that comes your way. Now she’s paying the price! Just kidding, Rachel. I’ll miiiisssss you! And then I’ll see you in Prague! (More on Rachel to come in later entries...)

I’ve come close to leaving Austin before. Most recent was back in April, when Joe moved to Brooklyn. Even before that I was pretty depressed, and it got worse when he got ready to leave. When I turned 25, on April 23, I still hadn’t co-written a worldwide hit musical or movie. What I did write was only appreciated on a national, not international, scale.

I felt so bored and hopeless, I wanted to move to the Kushi Institute, a macrobiotic community nestled in the mountains in Massachusetts, where I could immerse myself in macrobiotic culture and write a book about how weird (yet amazingly healthy) it was. My brother was disturbed. To him, it seemed like the last resort for a brother at the end of his rope, joining a dietary cult out of desperation.

My brother knocked some sense into me, I got a job at Casa de Luz (macrobiotics without the utter isolation), and stayed in Austin, accepting that there was nowhere else in particular that I needed to be at the moment. Still, deep down inside, I knew it couldn’t last forever. When Nicole invited me to Prague, and then Joe invited me to New York after that, I had my particular places to be.

So now I’m leaving. But not arbitrarily. Prepare yourself for my next entry, Prague Blague readers… my expectations for Prague!

Who's right, me or Nicole?

We leave for Prague in less than three weeks, and Nicole and I have yet to pick an apartment. Risky? Maybe. Disastrous? Quite possibly. Typical of our fly by the seat our pants carpe diem let the chips fall where they may we're just visiting you can't tell us what to do we're Americans born and bred attitude? Most definitely.

Okay, not really. We just can't agree on a place. It's our tastes. They're too different. In an apartment, I look for elegance, class, beauty, practicality, centrality, space, and affordability. Nicole wants the opposite of all that. Today we finally narrowed it down to two places. I want you, the readers, to decide which apartment is better...

Mine?:



Or Nicole's?:



Am I right, or am I right?

Coming soon: Rhys's expectations and hopes for Prague!

bama vacation

we took a little road trip from austin to birmingham (with a stopover in dallas) starting on december 20th. the road trip, which might also be described as a road test because it was essential in determining how compatible of travel buddies we'd be, was a wild success. the highlights included calisthenics in a truckstop parking lot, an oldies radio station dj in mississippi wishing rhys a happy birthday four months too early, and getting pulled over (and not ticketed) twice by cops who just thought we looked suspicious. anyways, here's a picture of map of birmingham etched into the ground outside of the vulcan statue in b'ham.



and here's a picture of nicole pointing the way we came from into birmingham.

more of the same from nicole

i was supposed to write an entry on why i’m going to prague. but instead i’ll spend some more time using popular culture to show you why i have to leave austin, and hopefully that will lead to the reasons i want to go to prague in particular.

both sides of my family come from russia. i am pretty much 100% russian jew. so i like things slavic. a few days ago, my russian jewish family and i were watching a movie by woody allen (born allen konigsberg- another russian jew) called ‘love and death’; the movie was also about russians. at one point, woody allen’s character, boris grushenko, finds himself happier and more comfortable with his life than he has ever been. it is at precisely this time, of course, that boris is overwhelmed with an urgent and irrational desire to kill himself. in other words, boris is uncomfortable with contentment.

in some ways, i feel the same. it just doesn’t seem right for things to be too easy. it feels sinister, deceptive, and unproductive. i don’t have to be unhappy with my life to be happy. that’s just sick. but sometimes unhappiness is a motivator for me. there just has to be something difficult or consuming on which i can focus my attention (theses, fantasy literature, villainous ex-boyfriends, guitar, whatever). most of you know me by now, and so you’ll know that i’m not the type of person who remains peaceful for any significant period of time. i like it this way; don’t try to change me. and brazos, don’t call me histrionic because i’m not. if i’m histrionic then you’re a butt-face loserbrain. (i miss you b!!!)

so anyways, it makes perfect sense that i’d want to go from austin (peaceful, happy austin) to eastern europe (cold, beautiful, slavic). nevermind that prague is more central than eastern. it’s formerly communist and they speak a slavic language, and that’s good enough for me. my mom wouldn’t let me go to russia. but i don’t mind so much. i hear prague is terrific. and it was also the cheapest study abroad program that was somewhere my mom wouldn’t freak out about.

so that’s for motivations. there are other reasons for going abroad too, of course, like scholarships and my desire to travel before i settle and etc. etc. but i ought to move on to expectations.

EXPECTATIONS:
rhys and i will take the world by storm. you just wait, world. you just wait!


we will go to moscow and budapest and krakow and kiev and croatia but probably not paris because birmingham is way more awesome than paris. we’ll go everywhere else too, of course.

i will be fluent in czech in about three or four weeks from now. i already know five phrases, so i’m going to have a head start on the other kids.

i will complete a scarf for rhys, which will match the one i made for myself. this way, we’ll always be able to recognize each other in crowds. also, we’ll have to try to color coordinate all of our outfits so that our photographs are more aesthetically pleasing. everyone will be eternally jealous when they see pictures of the two of us wearing our matching scarves on our vacations in istanbul or greece or vatican city. they will wonder, where on earth can we find ourselves scarves as elegant and perfectly crocheted as those?

friends, family, other random acquaintances should feel free to visit us.

anyways, i’m very very excited about this trip. i’ll be even happier when i properly recover from this cold i have right now.

alright. more later then.

we gotta get out of this place

first, background information: rivendell is the name of the elven city where arwen and elrond are from in the lord of the rings books and films. it is probably the most pleasant setting in all of fantasy literature.

now, a metaphor: austin is rivendell. austin, like rivendell, is the happiest place on earth. one is tempted to stay, lulled by its peacefulness and grace. ultimately, however, were frodo and company not to leave rivendell, not only would middle earth have fallen into darkness, but the books would also have been mostly unininteresting. there is a lesson here.

in other words, it is time to leave austin and embark on our quest. nicole feels precariously stagnant and no longer wants to wait for the eye of darkness to reach her. rhys seeks some of sauron's fire to fuel his creative spark.

coming soon: an entry from nicole concerning her motivations and expectations. and then maybe another one on the same topic, but from rhys, concerning his own motivations and expectation.

also, i wish to issue an apology for the extended LOTR reference. you, reader, are in the company of dorks (well, at least one).