It's rant time for Rhys

I don't usually do this. Normally my entries are well-researched, rational, calm, and proof-checked by two or three of my most trusted editor friends. But...

OHMYGODICAN"TBELIEVEMYAMERICANPASSPORTGOTLOSTINTHEMAILANDTHEYHADTOREISSUEITANDNOWIWON"TGETITUNTILAWEEKBEFOREILEAVEWHICHMEANSICAN"TGETMYBRITISHPASSPORTUNTILLONGAFTERI"MINPRAGUESOIWILLHAVETOPROSTITUTEMYSELFTOMAKEMONEYFORATLEASTTHEFIRSTMONTHICOULDBEANICEHOCKEYINSTRUCTORORATELEPHONETICKETAGENTBUTI"MNOTABRITISHCITIZENYETTHANKSTOTHEU>S>POSTALSERVICESOIMIGHTASWELLFACEITI"MGOINGTOHAVETOSELLMYBODYORSTARVETODEATHTHANKSYOUVERYMUCH!


Okay, I feel a lot better now. I just wish that rant could change the fact that I can't believe my american passport got lost in the mail and they had to reissue it and now I won't get it until a week before I leave which means I can't get my British passport until long after I'm in Prague so I willl have to prostitute myself to make money for at least the first month or so... I could have been an ice hockey instructor or a telephone ticket agent but I'm not a British citizen yet thanks to the U.S. Postal service, I might as well face it I'm going to have to sell my body or starve to death, thanks you very much.

Oh well. At least we have an apartment. Still, I wonder how I'll make money in Prague now that my American passport got lost in the mail and they had to reissue it and now I won't get it until a week before I leave which means I can't get my British passport until long after I'm in Prague. Here are my options:

A. Prostitute
B. Figure model
B (2). Stripper
C. Editor of the Prague Post
D. Bike messenger.

A. is out. I would feel weird about it. Plus, I don't think Nicole would let me bring johns back to our place if she had to study or sleep. She's really sensitive about studies and sleeping. So I guess I shouldn't have put A as an option. Because it's not one.

B. I might do. I mean, I'd feel weird about being naked in front of artists I don't know, especially since they will be recording my nakedness in their own subjective ways. If they paint me with fat theighs, or a melting face, I'd really just die. It would definitely be worth it if they made one of those portraits that ages in my place, though. As it is, my six pack is a little undefined. Nobody will want to to paint me with a mere four pack. I'll be British by the time I've done enough sit-ups for this one.

B (2). I don't think I would get hired. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, despite what I said under B., I'm fairly ripped -- I even gave Brazos pause in an arm wrestling match! -- but I've lost some muscle mass since eating nothing but macrobiotic food for the past 9 months. I'm far from emaciated, but I'm definitely closer to hipster than Fabio as far as my physique goes. When I tried to get a barback job at the Boyz Cellar, I got a thumbs down on the ab test. I think I could slide down that pole pretty good, though. I would wear an aviator hat with flaps, wrap myself in a break-away American flag, and call myself Sky Captain. I'll get back into sit-ups and push-ups soon and we'll see how that goes.

C. Believe it or not, I have some reservations about C. Yes, it would be a dream job, but am I really qualified? I've never even read the thing. I'd probably run it into the ground. Still, I'll take it if I can get it.

D. Prague is apparently a horrible city for bikes. I would only do this one if I had a death wish. Which I might have now that my american passport got lost in the mail and they had to reissue it and now I won't get it until a week before I leave which means I can't get my British passport until long after I'm in Prague so I willl have to prostitute myself to make money for at least the first month or so...