stress and nostalgia. rambling.

for some reason (well, for several reasons), i'm feeling incredibly stressed out and also nostalgiac today.

first stress.

1. i had a long conversation with my parents yesterday (after only a few hours of sleep, which only made it worse) in which they repeatedly tried to 'motivate' me to find a job, figure out how to graduate, etc. things i've already been worrying about, but they made me worry even more about them, which i think just paralyzes me more because i'm too stressed out to be productive.

2. i can't figure out how to graduate. i wrote someone for help. i don't know if it'll work.

3. i can't figure out how to find a job. i took down the phone number of my old high school, so i guess i can call them, but first i have to figure out how to add 500kc to my cell phone so that i have enough minutes to call them. also, the internet keeps freezing. i almost started crying in frustration in the study abroad office.

4. i had a dream about my ex-boyfriend last night. he was in prague, living with a homestay family. 'WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? WHY DON'T YOU GO AWAY?!" i asked him, but it didn't really matter because he was here and he wasn't going away.

5. i can't figure out where to go for spring break or how to get there. i want someone else to do it for me, but then i'm worried that i'll have to take a bus to bulgaria, which would take so long. i'd rather take a train, but i can't figure out how because the internet keeps freezing. my parents want me back here on the 2nd (my dad's birthday!) when they get here, but this is very very inconvenient as it is the saturday before spring break ends and who will i find to travel on a bus back from bulgaria with me and cutting a few days off their spring break? (i don't have class till tuesday.) i'm not doing it alone. i'm not leaving anyone alone in bulgaria either. and it wouldn't really be worth it to travel all the way to bulgaria for a few days. but it would also be a shame to let the opportunity to go to bulgaria pass us by. oh yeah, by the way, i think we're trying to go to bulgaria for spring break.


okay okay. i love love my parents. they try only to do good things for me. but sometimes it works better than other times. right now i feel simultaneously guilty and paralyzed and stressed.

now nostalgia.

1. i had a dream about my ex-boyfriend last night. that'll always do it.

2. i've been listening to music that makes me think of sunshine.

3. i've been trying to graduate, which requires some e-travelling around the UT website.

4. my friend eddie's still here. he's from austin. i love austin. maybe i ought to just go live there for the rest of my life. no no. it's not where i'm meant to be

5. i had a long conversation with my parents last night. i love them. and i also miss dog.


i'm realizing that i think i need to end up somewhere sunny. although the other night i had an opposite realization and that was that i loved snow and felt like i needed to live somewhere where it snowed. maybe i just need to constantly travel.

i want some chocolate. bad. but i vowed to go one single day without it, because i haven't yet.

more on snow: i really have never so peaceful as walking through the snow alone after dark. no footprints yet. big fat snowflakes hitting your face very cold, but also you are warm enough because you're dressed appropriately. snow on the statues and on the churches to make them prettier and also covering all the ugly cars and store signs that are the only things that make prague less beautiful. prague in the snow is probably more beautiful than most other beautiful things. being alone in prague in the snow is probably more awesome than most other awesome things.