What Janey did on her vacation in Prague

On the way to the library, I overheard a one sided conversation between an American woman with dyed red hair who looked to be ïn her fifties, and her husband, who had gray hair and looked to be in his sixties. I had never seen them before, but it was not too surprising that such people existed:

"´So, Janey, where did you shop in Prague?´" Janey said, pretending to be a friend back home. "Oh, you know," Janey responds for her future self. "Jewelery stores, clothing stores, and (slight pause for effect) the gun store." Then Janey laughed at her own future witticism. Her husband took a neutral stance on whether this was funny or not. The jewelry stores and the clothing stores were probably her idea, whereas the gun store was his.

I wonder if, while at the gun store, Janey was conscious of how scandalized her friends would be on first hearing about it - and how less scandalized they would be after getting more details - and was going over in her head how she would drop the bomb. Kind of like how when I´m doing or overhearing anything, I´m thinking of how it will affect my blogging.

Janeyś friends are evidentally so predicable that Janey already knows that when she returns from her adventure in a strange foreign land, they will only think to ask about her shopping. Perhaps she is predictable enough for them to know that there will be nothing else to ask about. Now, I have never met Janeyś friends, but from what I know about Janey and her husband, I´m pretty sure Janey has them pegged. She also, calculating witch that she is, already knows exactly how to sum up her trip (and this might only be her first day in Prague!) in such a way to knock their wigs off and establish herself as queen of the hair salon for a day. She´s got her obvious yet slightly quirky retort all set and ready to play her easily amused friends like so many harps from hell.

Since her pre-planned conversation is all but guaranteed to happen exactly as she has cleverly devised, we can probably predict how the rest of it will play out:

"Goodness gracious, Janey," her best friend Maude will exclaim. "I can hardly believe you made it back from Czechoslovakia in one piece! Is it still communist over there?"

"Oh, no, there is plenty of shopping to do in Prague, thatś for sure," Janey slyly responds, taking the conversation just where she wants it. Perhaps Maude will beat around the bush for a few more lines, but the trap is set, and her fate is sealed. Maude is going to ask the question Janey has been waiting to hear.

"Well, then, I´m glad to hear it. Maybe I will go to the Prague Republic one of these days. So tell me all about it! Where did you shop?"

Janey can hardly prevent herself from pumping her fist in the air triumphantly. We have already heard a rough draft of her surprising response, but maybe on the plane she devised a few flourishes.

"Oh, you know, just the ordinary places you see in Prague, nothing too unusual. Jewelery stores, clothing stores, and (here coems that pause) the gun store."

Just as Janey forsaw, Maude is flabbergasted.

"Janey, you have got to be joking," she practically shouts.

"Nope, it´s true," Janey says with a knowing smile. "Just ask Russell. We went to all the jewelery and clothing stores you could imagine!"

Maude puts her hands on her hips. "I meant about the gun store!"

"Oh, that," Janey says casually, feigning modesty. "I almost forgot about that little adventure."

"I mean, sure, my husband owns a gun store," Maude says, calming down a little. "But this is Texas. What in the name of Godś green earth were you doing in a gun store... IN PRAGUE?!"

"I would tell you," Janey says with a cocked eyebrow and a devilish grin. "But then I would have to kill you."

And Janeyś small Texas town will never be the same again.

That is the most likely possibility, anyway. There are others.

For instance, what if Janeyś friends arent the least bit amused? What if, somehow, all of her friends are disaffected 20-something hipsters, and she doesn´t even get a titter?

Or maybe this conversation won´t take place at all. Maybe Janey will get caught smuggling absinth, hash, and Roma orphans out of Prague, and be thrown in the United Nations slammer for life.

This got me thinking about what I am going to say when I get back from Prague and everyone asks me where I shopped. "Oh, you know, Joe, I shopped at Country Life, Tesco and (slight pause for effect) the scarf store!!"

After this I saw a British man who had a bright red face and talked with a stuffy British accent, like all the old British men I´ve seen here. Then I saw an overly tan, prematurely aged woman walking with her teenage daughter, who was dressed like a hippie who especially admires native-americans. I dont see why everyone is so down on tourists. I think theyŕe interesting.